Weekly Lowlights From the Turlock Police Log


The Weekly Lowlights continue to please… and polarize.

One commenter wrote “… you shouldn’t be allowed to comment on someones (missing an apostrophe) struggle if you haven’t lived that struggle yourself (no period)”

Well to that I say, “I can get a good look at a t-bone steak by sticking my head up a bull’s derriere, but I’d rather take the butcher’s word for it.”

The simple truth is Weekly Lowlights isn’t here to provide insight into the drug addiction or mental status of those arrested and placed on the Turlock Police Activity Report. And quite frankly, the vast majority of readers don’t really care.

But for that matter, here is a nickel’s worth of free advice for those listed in the Weekly Lowlights: Life is not that hard. Learn something of value to society, overcome obstacles with determination and fearlessness, take responsibility and accountability for yourself, stop making excuses, stop blaming “the system” and do work. Anything else is an excuse.

Not following this simple formula will lead your life right down the gutter, as one person obviously knows. On March 1 Angelica Armendariz, 27, and Francisco Fuentes, 30, were pulled over by police at 9:15 a.m. near the intersection of South Golden State Boulevard and South Berkeley Avenue.

After officers pulled over the duo, Fuentes allegedly decided to make a run for it. As usual, police found him a short time later – only Fuentes was caught hiding in a sewer. It is safe to say you’ve reached a low point, both literally and metaphorically speaking, when you find yourself hiding from the law in the sewers of despair and life failures.

Oh, but since I’ve never found myself laying in a sewer for fear of being locked up by the “po po” then there is no way I could possibly comment, right?

Fuentes and Armendariz were arrested for felony warrants and Fuentes was also charged with resisting arrest.

Speaking of reaching a low point, at 2:25 a.m. on March 3 an officer on patrol near South Center and Crane streets noticed bags full of clothing being thrown out of a large donation bin onto the sidewalk. He stopped to investigate and allegedly found Joshua “Houdini” Hendon, 27, inside of the mysteriously locked bin. While Houdini Hendon was arrested for theft, it remains unknown how he gained access to the bin. But as we all know a true magician never reveals his secrets.

Also on March 3 Kyle Rojas, 27, was arrested and cited for allegedly trespassing and committing theft after a homeowner in the 1200 block of Sherwood Drive found him removing fence boards from the property. Perhaps Rojas was going to steal the boards and give them to the poor so they could build shelters, or perhaps forts. Police have it all wrong – he was Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest.

Moving on further into the Activity Report reveals an irregular case of geriatrics gone gonzo. On March 1, Police say 82-year-old Jack Niswonger was arrested for allegedly shoplifting in the 3000 block of Countryside Drive. The next day, 61-year-old Blanca Jauregui was also arrested for allegedly shoplifting in the 2700 block of Countryside Drive. Speculation persists they were allegedly caught stealing prune juice, a boxed set of Johnny Mathis’ greatest hits and a bag of Werther’s Original hard candy.

Earlier on March 2, at 2:10 a.m., some trouble “up in da club” kicked off between two females. The conflict evidently spilled out onto the sidewalk. Christina Lewis, 28, and another unnamed female allegedly started fighting in the 700 block of Broadway. They must have been too busy pulling each other’s hair out to notice two police cars sitting in the street in front of them. Lewis was arrested for public intoxication.

Back on March 1 at just after midnight Alaa Alrobaie, 41, was arrested for allegedly drunk driving and committing a hit and run. Police say Alrobaie was allegedly so drunk that he must have not gotten a clue after he hit a first vehicle, then another… and then another. He was arrested in the 800 block of North Golden State Boulevard.

On March 4 at 3:09 a.m. Manuel Martinez, 46, was found by police sleeping in his vehicle in the 800 block of Emily Street. Turns out he was on probation and was allegedly in possession of heroin. He was arrested and transported to County Jail. During a second search at the jail, officers found some methamphetamine hidden in his shoe. He was booked for possession of meth and possession of a controlled substance. No commentary allowed because I’ve never walked a mile with meth in my shoes.

Later that same day at 5:34 p.m. Michael Salgardo, 44, found himself locked up for alleged public intoxication after police responded to a complaint he was yelling at customers at a business establishment in the 2500 block of Geer Road. No comment allowed because I’ve never found myself yelling at customers inside a business. 

Comments 6

  1. LawAbidingCitizen says:
    I find it hilarious that people are actually upset by your gloriously entertaining column, and they ought to remember from school about doing the time for the crime!
  2. Struggle this says:
    The complainer that said you shouldn't be allowed to comment should take their own advice. Why would someone need to walk in the shoes of a lowlife criminal in order to comment on their breaking laws? How about they walk in the shoes of a honest law abiding citizen instead! Put your little violin away or at least play it for someone who actually deserves some sympathy.
  3. Ben Dover says:
    This guy...
  4. Must be one of the local druggies! says:
    Or perhaps the parent of the boy who STABBED ANOTHER BOY IN THE NECK? Maybe you have to stab someone in the neck to be allowed to express an opinion about why stabbing someone in the neck is bad. Maybe this shame produced by this column is the thing that will finally clean up this filthy town.
  5. Buster Hyman says:
    Im surprised no one has mentioned the name of the parents of the heathen!
  6. Ben Dover says:
    The ignorance is strong within these comments. Wouldn't be surprised if the "journalist" is writing them all.
    Classical thinking in regards to crime is the wrong approach, unfortunately that is how most of us were raised and continue to prescribe to.

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