Welcome to Weekly Lowlights, the most popular “blog” in Turlock!
Well, actually… It’s not a blog. Because someone pays for it, and advertisers pay good money to appear on TurlockCityNews.com. You know, that “Mickey Mouse” gossip blog where none of the reporters know what they are doing… except that we know a lot.
This week I was compared to noted celebrity gossip hound Perez Hilton for my articles on the Crowell Elementary School incident and the Weekly Lowlights.
When I first read the comment I thought the commenter was referring to PARIS Hilton. Mainly because I’m not up-to-date on Hollywood gossip sites like the commenter, an adult male in his mid 40s, apparently is. Then I started thinking Perez Hilton was Paris’ sister and something reminded me that no, that wasn’t right. Then I looked up who Perez Hilton was.
Its official. This means I’ve reached a new level of popularity when I’m compared to such a famous celebrity.
Anyway, the Weekly Lowlights begins with a young woman who done messed with the wrong person. On March 11 Jamie Hudson, 26, allegedly started a fight she couldn’t finish when she thought the victim was someone who “hurt her niece’s feelings.” Hudson allegedly pulled the “victim’s” hair, but things went downhill quickly for Hudson. Her victim ended up placing Hudson under citizen’s arrest. Hudson was arrested for assault and battery in the 100 block of Starr Avenue at 5:56 p.m.
Earlier on March 11, at 5:22 p.m., in the 2400 block of Fulkerth Avenue, David Wiles, 56, was contacted for aggressive panhandling, police say. Strangely, he was found to be intoxicated. It makes you wonder where he got the money to buy the booze, and why he was aggressively panhandling in the first place. Hmmm, I wonder why? Wiles was arrested for public intoxication.
Later that same day a male juvenile, 15, was allegedly involved in a collision at West F Street and Ninth Street. The juvenile fled the scene, leaving the vehicle behind. He was later located at his home – because police would never think to look there – and arrested for hit-and-run and driving without a license. It is unknown if he received a spanking when he got home, but for society’s sake let’s hope so.
At 2:23 p.m. on March 10, Carlos Reyna-Lara, 21, allegedly threw himself one heck of a fit. Police responded to a residence in the 100 block of West Minnesota Avenue and arrested him for domestic battery, false imprisonment, threatening a peace officer (felony) and resisting arrest. So the lesson here is that if you get into a fight with your old lady or whomever, and the 5-0 show up, don’t get mad at them because you allegedly hit someone else and they showed up to stop the madness.
The day before, another one of Turlock’s finest allegedly decided to try and take out their problems on the police. Melvin Jenner, 32, allegedly tried to rough up an officer. Police had responded to a call of a suspicious person in the 2100 block of Shire Way at 10 a.m., and Jenner allegedly took off running. Of course he was caught, but then police say he tried to fight off the officer. Obviously that whole plan didn’t quite work out and he was arrested for resisting arrest. Maybe he learned that plan by watching “Cops…” that or “World’s Dumbest Criminals.”
Speaking of, Ruben Chavolla, 34, was arrested for alleged drunk driving earlier that day at 5:40 a.m. Police found him in the 2800 block of Geer Road passed out behind the wheel of his car with the engine running. Correct me if I’m wrong, but maybe he was waiting for 6 a.m. – isn’t that when stores can sell alcohol again after they stop at 2 a.m.? Forgive me; I can’t recall ever making a beer run that early. Not saying I haven’t stayed up partying the entire night, but unlike those who appear in Weekly Lowlights I have always thought ahead, mainly because I have some semblance of brain activity. I recently celebrated a milestone birthday and I and several close friends decided to pull an all-nighter. Trust me that is not a good choice. It literally took me a full 48 hours to recover.
On March 8, at 1:10 a.m., 23-year-old Stacey Coslow decided to go on a bicycle ride. Unfortunately police ruined her midnight meandering at Golden State Boulevard and Geer Road. She was found in possession of heroin and arrested. It makes you wonder where was she going? Perhaps she was going to score some more smack, or she was on her way to a friend’s house to share the heroin.
Later that day, at 12:48 p.m., Salvador Perez, 50, was arrested for public intoxication after an alleged indecent exposure call in the 1000 block of North Golden State Boulevard. Maybe Perez just couldn’t hold it anymore and he chose a bush that wasn’t thick enough, or he was so publicly intoxicated that he didn’t notice other people around and just dropped trow.