City of Turlock Breaks Ground on Bowling Alley

Alex Cantatore/|

At last, the City of Turlock has broken ground on a long-desired bowling alley for the citizens of Turlock.

“People have been asking for this for a while,” said newly-appointed Bowling Alley Czar John Swift. “Really, it was time for the City of Turlock to start listening to the people.”

Initial sketches depict a modest 30-lane bowling alley, located near Monte Vista Crossings. Large, oversized bowling pins will adorn the front entrance of the development, to be known as “Uppdiktad Lanes” in honor of Turlock’s Swedish heritage.

For decades, Turlockers have called on the City of Turlock to build them a bowling alley. Opposition to the City of Turlock’s long-held strategy of building only Mexican restaurants, fast-food, and dollar stores has been growing.

Out of excuses at last, the City of Turlock decided to act.

“Lately, we decided that Turlock should do something for the children, you know, other than all of the youth sports, arts classes, and rec programs we offer,” Swift said. “Shame that it took this long, really.”

City officials say the development will also include a Trader Joe’s and a Whole Foods Market.

“We figured, ‘Why not, right?’” Swift said.

Comments 52

  1. looks like this is a fun little April Fools joke you guys... a Whole Foods in Turlock? Yeah, right. says:

    Looks like this is a fun little April Fools joke…. a Whole Foods in Turlock? Yeah, right.

  2. Nice one, had me going for a bit!

  3. terry Bowman says:

    what we also nedd is a new modern Movie theater like an AMC or REGAL.

  4. Haha says:

    April fools!!

  5. Yay!!!! says:

    Yay!!! It’s about time!!!

  6. Tax payer says:

    This is much more worth it than the Carnegie arts center or the ths football turf the city wasted money on!

  7. Kass says:

    This is a mean April fools joke!!!

  8. Yes!! says:

    This is why TCN is the (*edited by tcn)!

  9. Guest S says:

    I will believe it when I see it!

  10. Stan says:

    Just realized today is April Fools day. You fooled me.
    I was excited for a minute.

  11. guest says:

    where will this be located? along with a trader joe’s and whole foods?

  12. WiseOne says:

    April Fools!

  13. yeah right says:

    i’ll believe it when i see it where is the new bigger and better skate park the city said it was building at donnelly?

  14. fools says:

    Can’t believe y’all are falling for this April Fools hole.

  15. fools says:

    Can’t believe y’all are falling for this April Fool’s joke.

  16. snark says:

    “Opposition to the City of Turlock’s long-held strategy of building only Mexican restaurants, fast-food, and dollar stores has been growing.”

    ‘Turlock’ can’t decide what kinds of businesses open up. They can zone certain areas, but they can’t discriminate by business type. Not legally anyway. There are a lot of Mexican restaurants because of market demand. Get it together TCN.

  17. Traviesa says:

    This would be so nice. Great for all thr kids. to good to be true lets cross our fingers.

  18. Jt says:

    April Fools

  19. Phuc N. Stupid says:

    I cant believe your readers!

  20. Tara Nupsumass says:

    They know what time it is dont they?

  21. Justin Hermouth says:

    What is the date today?

  22. Mike Oxlittle says:

    We cant stop building Mexican restaurants. We need more. Maybe spanish restaurants we will build next…..

  23. Cole Ostamie,Dixie Normous Amanda Hump Lou Skunt says:

    Its April fools fools. the city of Turlock doesn’t build for we the people….. They only want tax money from mexican restraunts not fun stuff….. they would first have to have someone take 200 thousand dollars to do some research to see if people in turlock would like to bowl, and then after all the fees they pay to outside companies to do research they have no cash left to build (*edited by tcn)

  24. seriously says:

    Newly appointed bowling alley czar?

    We’re not all rubes here.

    April fools indeed, hit us where it hurts!

  25. Fr. G says:

    I call April Fool. What do I win? Free bowling shoe rentals?

  26. Lisa says:

    This is an April Fool’s joke. Of course.

  27. Eric Shun, Ima Hoare ,Justin Heranus,Kimmy Hed says:

    swedish to English

    uppdiktad Modifier
    uppdiktad, (fingeraduppdiktatpåhittatfiktivt)
    fictitious, Adj
    fictive, Adj
    imaginary, Adj
    invented, Mod

  28. Sue B says:

    Love the name. Happy 4-1.

  29. ChefConnie says:

    Where is the Trader Joes and Whole Greens going?

  30. Not cool! says:

    Such a mean April fools joke to get peoples hopes up!! LAME

  31. Derp says:

    It’s called an April Fools joke people… Not really happening!

  32. foolish says:

    What day is it people. April 1ST, otherwise known as?

  33. odog says:

    april fools

  34. Look at today's date says:

    This is obviously an April fools article, how many news sources do, or google…very clever. Lol people thinking that everything they’ve ever wanted was all dropped on the same day…next time look at the date before making yourself look silly by believing such articles on April 1 and commenting. Haha

  35. Emily Raley says:

    Prettyyyy sure it’s an April Fools’ trick guys…

  36. Sue B says:

    Great name! Happy 4-1

  37. reality says:

    If you sound out all the syllables in “orange” it sounds like “gullible.”

  38. amanda says:

    Turlock had a bowing alley a long time ago. Obviously it wasn’t that popular.

  39. Entertainment says:

    This and the water park and the golf course are all being built this year by the city? I thought they didn’t have money and need to raise water rates and taxes to fix roads. This is why John Lazar and Amy Bublak need to go!

  40. Tcn Reporters says:

    Tcn has the best reporters that make this my main source for breaking news.

    I saw Alex on Facebook though and I think he needs a new picture.

  41. jillschultz says:

    I love that you’re planning on these great additions to Turlock. Three thumbs up from me!!!

  42. Miguel says:

    Sounds like an april fools joke. They didn’t mention a location for the bowling alley. Plus whole foods and trader Joes are very unlikely…good one, almost had me.

  43. Turlock Mom says:

    Haha. April fools!

  44. It's sad that so many commentors are unable or unwilling to realize an April Fools' joke when they see one, and instead use it as a means to attack others or things they dislike. Grow up, people. says:

    It’s sad that so many commentors are unable or unwilling to realize an April Fools’ joke when they see one, and instead use it as a means to attack others or things they dislike. Grow up, people.

  45. Gordon Johnson says:

    Great April Fool’s joke!

  46. Someone says:

    April fools the name means fictitious lanes

  47. Julie says:

    Too bad it’s not really happening… very good joke.

  48. TERA WOLF says:

    Not impressed! I had my hopes up and thought that it must be real that we’re finally getting some decent stores that families need such as Whole Foods, Trader Joes and as a bonus – a bowling alley. We desperately need some whole foods type stores. Turlock needs to get it together! 🙁

  49. barb says:

    This site sucks!

  50. Lisa McDermott says:

    And who thought of using Jonathan Swift as the fictitious spokesperson? Very funny Alex!

  51. Addy says:

    Long Awaited??? There use to be one in town and they closed it down. Why close it if everyone wants one lol. Also the name.. UH i didn’t know there was swedish heritage here. I have seen ZERO sign of swedish people here. The name is hard to pronounce so thats not good. On a plus side. I DO miss the old bowling alley so i will enjoy taking my kids to this one.

  52. Dj's immaturity says:

    Dj’s immaturity with blogs like this doomed this website.

    We see now that it caught up with him and how the Turlock Journal is the more respected newspaper in town.

    Thankfully this is over.

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