I want to begin by thanking the naysayers. Believe me, you supply plenty to fuel the Weekly Lowlights in your own right.
Based on last week’s comments, a few readers JUST caught the clue that Weekly Lowlights is quasi-editorial. No (shiitake mushrooms) Sherlock!
Speaking of Sherlock, Salvador Rico, 73, was reportedly rolling around in the middle of the street in the 1500 block of East Avenue, and was almost hit by a car just after 9 p.m. April 2. What witnesses mistook for rolling was actually Rico crawling on the ground, looking for the clues that lead him to a point in his life where he ended up rolling in the middle of the street, allegedly drunk at 73 years old. He was arrested for public intoxication.
On April 3 at 4:43 p.m., police were notified of three suspicious subjects in the area of Fulkerth Avenue and Logan Lane. Observant witnesses noticed one the subjects allegedly had a handgun. As the officer approached the trio, he deduced with his keen eye that one of them was trying to conceal the weapon. The handgun was later determined to be an airsoft gun. The three subjects involved were identified as William Harris, 39, who was arrested and booked for possession of a dirk/dagger, Isaias Teraza, 34, arrested and booked for resisting arrest and public intoxication and Jonathan Montgomery, 25, who was arrested and booked for public intoxication.
On April 5 at 2:14 a.m., just after the bars close, Kenneth Bartell was arrested in the 100 block of North Golden State Boulevard. Bartell was allegedly spotted by some hawkeyed witnesses in the drive-through of a local restaurant. Supposedly he was so trashed when police took him in he said, “it wasn’t me, it was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory with the lead pipe.”
Later that same morning at 3:55 a.m. Alejandro Aguilar, 18, led officers on a chase that eventually came to a stop on Hartvickson Drive. Aguilar allegedly ran from his g-ride and, of course, was apprehended. Later police found a stolen shotgun in the vehicle and he was arrested for the pursuit and the possession of the stolen shotgun. As Aguilar was being hauled away, one officer looked at the other and proclaimed (in an English accent of course), “Judging from the young man’s hesitance to comply and his attempt to flee, I logically concluded he must have had something in his motorcar. Elementary my dear Watson, elementary.”
On April 6, at 11:48 a.m., Jose Hernandez Cortez just happened to be jumping fences in the same area where police were searching for another, unrelated suspicious person. Cortez ran into a random house and allegedly tried to hide in the attic of the home. He must have thought police wouldn’t find him unless they had a magnifying glass or perhaps a monocle. He was arrested in the 500 block of Vermont Avenue for trespassing, resisting arrest and a domestic battery warrant out of Ceres.
A few days later, on April 8, police dealt with a true criminal mastermind, like Professor Moriarty. At 11:03 p.m. an officer attempted to make a bicycle stop on Anthony Angelo, 28. Angelo allegedly did not stop, and attempted to destroy a methamphetamine glass pipe as he was fleeing. He was caught a short time later and arrested for the dastardly deeds of possession of drug paraphernalia, resisting arrest, destruction of evidence and, to top off the “hat trick,” violation of parole.
This brings me to another complaint I received. In last week’s edition of the lowlights I offended a member of the bicycling community who essentially told me I’m perpetuating a negative stereotype of people who choose to ride bicycles as their primary and only source of transportation.
I’m honestly impressed with myself. Never in a million years would I think that I could have offended such a small group of people!
I like bikes. My kids ride their bikes all the time. And, in fact, I recently bought my twins a new pair of bikes for their birthday.
I regularly write on police bicycle stops because I, like most people, see these guys around town. They’re typically-able bodied 20 and 30-something year old guys who look trashy riding their equally trashy bikes at odd hours of the day. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Professor Plum in the Library to figure out that some of them are probably up to no good.
Don’t worry bike riders: Police aren’t going to start harassing everyone who is riding a bike. I’m pretty sure they, and most people, can tell the difference between someone on a happy bike ride with their family, someone riding their bike home from work, and those “other guys.”
Of course this latest rant will lead to comments that I am arrogant and fortunate to come from the “school of the privileged,” because I have the luxury of a motorcar. Here is a preemptive message, “I apologize for nothing and I apologize to no one, for having (insert English accent here…) not one motorcar, but two no less… ‘guvna!”